I'm young I really shouldn't think about that stuff, but I do and I can't help it. I don't wanna get close to anyone because I feel like I'm gonna loose them. something always goes wrong when it comes to something I love. My dad passed away when I was thirteen, he was forty four years old. I'm gonna have to grow up without a dad for the REST of my life.
Yeah sure me and him did argue "A LOT" but that doesn't mean I didn't love him. He would play games with me, sing me songs,bring me home puppies,(That was my favorite),Dance with me, tell me everything was gonna be okay when something went wrong. He wanted me to ride horses and motor cycles. I don't know why my dad was always a little strange. unfortunately he had a drinking problem.
He would wake up drinking and go to sleep "drunk" still drinking. He wasn't a bad person though. A lot of people blamed my dad for a lot of stuff that happened even if he didn't have anything to do with it, and he was such a good person he took the blame anyway. As we both got older it got worse, he was turning into someone I didn't know, or wanna know for that matter. We would fight and argue all the time just about nothing. He would come home drunk late at night and come in my room and just start talking about off the wall stuff I've never even heard of. He would call me a little bitch and tell me to shut the fuck up when I would tell him to leave me alone.
I knew he was sick....A year before he passed away he was in my bathroom and he got really sick. I mean really really sick,it was from all the alcohol. He was vomiting blood and it looked like chunks of his liver was in it. I think I might have been 11. I was watching my dad die right in front of my face and I couldn't do anything about it.
I remember praying to god to keep my daddy alive. I wanted him to be there when I had kid's and got married and started my own family, I begged him to stop drinking in a letter I wrote him and I slid it under his door. I don't even know if he read it or not but it wasn't there when I went back to check.He was fine for a little while after that well at least I thought so. He slowed down on the drinking for a little while maybe for a week or to but soon enough he was right back to it.
He came home 1 night really late like at 2 in the morning and I was on the computer, it was the weekend. He kept telling me to get off and go to bed, but I wouldn't listen. I just ignored him before I knew it my head was getting slammed through the wall. I forgave him I knew my daddy would never do something like that to me. A couple months went by, and before i knew it school was starting back. it was my 7th grade year.
I was having a lot of throat problems so my grandma took me to the doctor and, they said I needed to get my tonsils removed. Well we went the next day so I could get surgery,it was pretty scary. The doctors were putting me too sleep with laughing gas. I don't know why the hell they call it that because nothing was funny to me I was terrified. They had me strapped down to a table.
I asked them why they had to do that they said it's so I wouldn't try to get up. They told me it would take less than 7 seconds to fall asleep. Them seven seconds felt like a life time. I felt like I was dying. My breathing got really heavy and I tried to get up (I guess they weren't lying about that) I just wanted to get up and run.
When I woke up, my throat hurt really bad I couldn't swallow and, I couldn't see my nurse when she was right in front of me everything was blurry. the last thing I remember was asking where I was and then I woke up and I was back in my room. It was just a scary feeling. My daddy was there with me and I was crying because my throat hurt so bad, and he looked at me and said "I Know how you feel baby, you feel like me" I didn't know he was still in so much pain. A couple day's whet by and my throat was getting better day by day,but my daddy was getting worse. He laid on the floor in the living room that whole week.
One morning I woke up and walked out there to get something to drink so I could take my medicine and he asked me to make him some water. I said okay well let me take my medicine with it and I'll bring it right back out here to you. He was in a really bad mood and he was cussing at me and calling me names, it hurt my feelings. So I told him I hated him. I didn't talk to him for two day's and the last day was the last time I would "EVER" get too talk to him. We woke up really early that morning and he was laying on the floor in his bed room naked.
He had bloody vomit all over the floor with chunks of his liver in it. It was my worse nightmare all over again, but this time I got this feeling in my stomach that he wasn't gonna be so lucky as he was last time. So I bent down and was telling him to get up, I was saying "Get up daddy, Get up" and he told me too get off of him. I wasn't mad at him though I knew it wasn't his fault. So we called the ambulance to come and get him. they came and put him on a stretcher and carried him out of the house he just curled up in a ball and laid there.
We followed the ambulance all the way to the hospital and, when we got there he was throwing up again. So I looked at him and said "daddy I love you", "He said I love you too baby". The doctors said it was a touch and go. They weren't sure yet I prayed and prayed. The next day He was okay he looked sick, but he was sitting up talking. I was in there and the whole family was there. Everyone was scared. I was terrified. I remember them asking him if he knew Jesus Christ.
He said yeah and, he asked for forgiveness. I was sitting at the end of his bed and, I asked him I said "Daddy are you gonna die" ,and he wouldn't answer me. So I left the room. That was the last time I ever spoke to my daddy.That's why they say never take anyone for granted you never know how much time you have left with them. Ever since that day I've always told myself to never get close to anyone ever again. I was scared I was gonna loose everyone I love.
The point of the story really is, When I did finally get to this guy, I trusted him with everything. I would have bet my life he would never do anything to hurt me. He proved me wrong. It just makes me wonder...........
